Trust Them With Something Real

Years ago, I was invited to speak at an Opportunity Youth United Townhall in New York.

Young leaders from different organizations were preparing to speak in front of a national audience.

The adult staff wanted us to rehearse our scripts.

I understood why.

They wanted the event to go well.

They wanted the messages to be clear.

They wanted the young leaders to represent themselves, their organizations, and the larger movement well.

But I did not want to rehearse a script.

I wanted to speak from my heart.

That created some tension.

The adults were trying to prepare me.

I was trying to protect my voice.

Eventually, they trusted me.

And I delivered.

I remember having a shirt made for that event.

On the front, it said:

I can.

On the back:

I am.

I did not fully understand it then, but those words describe one of the most important movements in human development.

There is a difference between believing you can do something and being trusted with the opportunity to actually do it.

I can is possibility.

I am is demonstrated responsibility.

Young people need both.

When Preparation Becomes Development

We talk a lot about preparing young people.

Preparing them for high school.

Preparing them for college.

Preparing them for work.

Preparing them for leadership.

Preparing them for adulthood.

Preparation matters.

But there is a danger in preparing young people forever.

At some point, they need something real to carry.

• A real role.
• A real responsibility.
• A real audience.
• A real decision.
• A real deadline.
• A real contribution.
• A real consequence if they fail to follow through.
• A real opportunity to recover if they get it wrong.

That is where preparation becomes development.

Trust Involves Risk

This is something adults sometimes struggle to accept.

If I give a young person responsibility only after I know exactly what they are going to say, exactly what they are going to do, and exactly how the outcome will unfold, I have removed much of the trust from the situation.

I may be managing them well.

I may be protecting the event.

I may even be helping them perform.

But I am not necessarily developing leadership.

Leadership development asks adults to give up some control.

That does not mean abandoning young people.

It means preparing them, coaching them, setting expectations, making the stakes clear, and then allowing them to carry something that actually matters.

That is what happened for me.

The adults did not simply hand me a microphone and hope for the best.

There was preparation.

There was coaching.

There were expectations.

There was tension.

And then there was trust.

They stepped back enough for me to step forward.

That mattered.

Participation Is Not Leadership

Too often, we confuse youth leadership with youth participation.

We invite a young person to sit on a panel.

We give them three minutes.

We write the questions.

We prepare the answers.

We review the answers.

We rehearse the answers.

We place them on the stage.

Then we congratulate ourselves for giving young people a voice.

Sometimes that may be an appropriate starting point.

But if the young person never develops ownership, judgment, responsibility, and decision-making power, we should be careful about calling it leadership.

A role can be visible and still be symbolic.

Young people can be present without having meaningful authority.

They can be heard without being trusted.

Selection Is Not Development

We also tend to trust the young people who already look ready.

• The polished student.
• The confident speaker.
• The student with the strongest grades.
• The student who knows how to talk to adults.
• The student who follows directions well.
• The student who has already learned how to perform leadership in ways adults recognize.

Those young people deserve opportunities.

But so do the young people who are still becoming.

Sometimes leadership development becomes leadership selection.

We find the young people who already appear capable and give them more opportunity.

Then we point to their success as evidence that the opportunity worked.

But development asks a harder question:

Who might become capable if someone trusted them before the evidence was complete?

Someone did that for me.

More than once.

YouthBuild gave me opportunities to represent people beyond myself.

I learned that when I spoke publicly, I was not simply expressing Julian’s opinion.

I was carrying experiences.

Communities.

Young people.

Programs.

Stories.

Expectations.

That changed what leadership meant to me.

Representation became responsibility.

A Young Person Needs to Know: This Matters

Not everything should be a simulation.

Sometimes the meeting should be real.

The customer should be real.

The audience should be real.

The deadline should be real.

The community problem should be real.

The responsibility should be real.

The work should matter beyond receiving a grade.

Because something changes when another person is depending on you.

Something changes when your team needs you to show up.

Something changes when your name is attached to the work.

Something changes when another person is going to use what you built.

Something changes when you realize:

This is mine to carry.

That is one reason JRX Academy is built around Quests, leadership, contribution, teams, showcases, mentorship, service, and real-world learning.

We want young people doing more than practicing for life.

We want them practicing inside life.

Responsibility Also Means Accountability

Trusting a young person does not mean lowering expectations.

If anything, meaningful trust requires clearer expectations.

• What is your role?
• What are you responsible for?
• Who is depending on you?
• What does success look like?
• When do you need help?
• What happens if you do not follow through?
• How do you communicate when something changes?
• What do you do when you make a mistake?

Those questions matter.

At JRX, responsibility should come with support.

A student should know who is coaching them.

They should know where to go when they are stuck.

They should know when an adult will step in.

And they should also know when the adult is intentionally stepping back.

That balance matters.

Too little support can become abandonment.

Too much support can become control.

The goal is development.

Struggle Belongs in Development

That means we have to let young people struggle sometimes.

Not recklessly.

Not when safety is at stake.

Not by handing them responsibilities they have no reasonable ability to carry.

But within a healthy challenge zone, struggle belongs in development.

• A student may forget something.
• Miss a deadline.
• Give an awkward presentation.
• Choose the wrong strategy.
• Misjudge how long something will take.
• Communicate poorly.
• Make a decision they later regret.

That does not automatically mean the adult should take the responsibility back.

Sometimes the right move is:

• What happened?
• What did you learn?
• What needs to be repaired?
• What support would help?
• What are you going to do next?

Then let them try again.

That is how responsibility grows.

Consequence, Not Punishment

Failure becomes very different when the responsibility is real.

If a worksheet goes badly, the student can receive a lower score.

If a team responsibility goes badly, another person may be affected.

That introduces something important: consequence.

Not punishment.

Consequence.

• My actions have an effect.
• My preparation matters.
• My communication matters.
• My reliability matters.
• My decisions travel beyond me.

Young people need opportunities to discover that while caring adults are still nearby.

That is much better than protecting them from every meaningful consequence until adulthood and then expecting them to suddenly know how to carry responsibility.

Adults Have to Tolerate Some Uncertainty

That may be the hardest part.

At that townhall, the adults could not know exactly what I was going to say.

I am sure that made some of them uncomfortable.

They had a real event to protect.

There were other organizations involved.

There were reputations involved.

There was an audience.

The stakes were not imaginary.

That is precisely why their trust mattered.

They eventually decided that preparing me did not require controlling me.

They let me own the moment.

And I delivered.

But even if I had stumbled, I think the lesson would still matter.

Because leadership is not developed by guaranteeing flawless performances.

Leadership is developed through meaningful responsibility, coaching, reflection, correction, and another opportunity to lead.

“I Can” Becomes “I Am”

“I can” is where we begin.

A child says:

• I can try.
• I can help.
• I can speak.
• I can build.
• I can organize.
• I can solve this.
• I can lead.

Adults should protect that possibility.

But eventually the child needs evidence.

• I led the meeting.
• I finished the project.
• I helped the team.
• I spoke in front of the room.
• I solved the problem.
• I kept my commitment.
• I made the mistake.
• I repaired it.
• I tried again.

I can becomes I am.

Not because someone gave the young person a title.

Because they carried something.

How We Want Leadership to Work at JRX

Do not simply call students leaders.

Give them opportunities to lead.

Do not simply tell them they are responsible.

Give them something worthy of responsibility.

Do not simply tell them their voice matters.

Create moments where their voice can influence what happens.

Do not simply teach collaboration.

Give them work that cannot be completed well without other people.

Do not simply teach accountability.

Let their commitments matter.

Do not simply teach courage.

Give them something worth speaking for.

And when they are ready for more, give them more.

Support can increase when they need structure.

Support can fade when readiness grows.

The goal is not dependence on the adult.

The goal is increasing capability.

There Will Always Be Risk

A young person may surprise us.

They may also disappoint us.

They may do something differently than we would.

Sometimes their way will be better.

Sometimes it will not.

Our job is not to eliminate every possibility of error.

Our job is to create environments where young people can take meaningful risks, experience consequences, receive support, reflect, repair, learn, and return stronger.

That requires trust.

And trust becomes visible through responsibility.

Years ago, I walked into that townhall wearing two statements.

On the front:

I can.

On the back:

I am.

Today, I understand the space between those two statements more clearly.

Someone has to create the opportunity.

Someone has to prepare the young person.

Someone has to believe they might be ready.

Someone has to accept the possibility that they may stumble.

And eventually, someone has to step back.

Then the young person has to step forward.

That is the risk.

That is the responsibility.

That is the development.

And that is one of the promises I want JRX Academy to keep:

Trust young people with something real.